182: on the edge and weepy, in a good way


I am taking pics right now, this is the first:


My name. On. The. Edge. Of. Fabric.
I am such a geek that I couldn't wait to show you!

And I am such a geek that I keep getting all weepy with relief, disbelief, joy. 

I kept saying that I wouldn't believe it until I had the actual fabric in my hands...
Well, I was wrong because I still don't believe it!

I feel like I should be acting  nonchalant and like this was all inevitable.
But the truth is that I am still surprised that I made it out of my teens alive, and I am still surprised that ...oh, I don't even know. Just surprised by all of it. Surprised that I am ok, I guess. This is all feels like such a dream, a fantasy. 

For most of my life I didn't believe that I could be happy or healthy or  successful. I have been working so hard for so long,  just to keep my head above water, emotionally speaking.  I'd like to say that I  never gave up, but I gave up all the time.  I guess I just eventually picked myself up off the floor, whether it took weeks (if I was lucky) or months (most of the time) or years (sometimes). What can I say, I was always  a slow getter-back-upper.
But I'm getting faster. (mmm, smile)

I feel like I should ---I guess from a marketing perspective--- just act like this is all perfectly normal and act all professional and shit. And not swear. And I should say "oh my gosh" instead of "oh my god."
Well,  maybe someday.
Not today.

For today I am a girl who swears and says ohmygod.
For today I am a girl who is overcome with relief and a deep sense of okayness that is pretty new.
And I am totally digging it.

Thank you so much for your support and enthusiasm.
It is medicine for my heart.

More pictures to come. 

xo and love, for real.