253: random or not, here I come

Good morning.

I have started probably 3 or 4 different posts in the last few days and ended up just saving them all as drafts.

I just did it again with this post!

I'm all stammery.

I think I will just make this entry a potpourri of snips from all of those saved drafts. Ok? You'll see how I keep getting stuck.

Random bits:

Doesn't that look like it could be a carrot-cake-with-cream-cheese-frosting cupcake?

Well, it isn't, so don't go gnawing on it. But isn't it so cute and dainty?

Thank you so much for your outpouring of excitement and encouragement about the shop! You may be surprised to know that I really have come to rely on your enthusiasm. As amazing as everything is, my heart is still heavy much of the time. From the outside, it's easy to imagine that...

(trailing off....)

All of these exciting things are happening and sometimes I get overwhelmed. And when I'm overwhelmed, I eat. Like, 5-ice-cream-sandwiches-in-a-day eat. What I really need to do is exercise to burn off that extra energy. I feel amazing when I am walking or running regularly. I feel like a slug when I am not.  I am trying to just be gentle with myself about this and trust that I will find my way back to some healthy practices after I get back from the television taping.

Oh my god, we tape next week! No one said it needs to be a secret, so I might as well tell you about the show, right? Do you know the magazine Quilting Arts? What about Cloth Paper Scissors? The show I am doing a segment on is the tv companion to those magazines, Quilting Arts Television.  I  fly to Cleveland (where the television studio is) on Tuesday. I am much less freaked out about it all now. A friend is taping at the same time, so I will be meeting her at the airport and we're sharing a room, so there should be some laughs. I'll take pictures.

..................................................................................................................................................................

So many amazing things are happening and I am so excited and grateful.

It's also true that any success I am having feels bittersweet right now.

That's where I  get stuck.

I hesitate to say it because I don't want you to think I don't appreciate what is going on. But it's important to me to be real here and not just share the pretty stuff. I suppose I can't expect any sympathy since everything is going so well, from the outside. I imagine you want to roll your eyes and say "oh poor you."

Frankly, I don't want to get comments that piss me off and make me not want to be open! ( and I haven't yet, but I admit I am afraid of that!)

Bah! See? this is why I keep not posting! Maybe this is why a lot of bloggers don't share this stuff?

Meh. I'll just risk it.

xo, m