344: do you ever feel like this?

um, so here is the thing.

Sometimes?

Sometimes I...

Ok. Sometimes I feel like, well, like I am you know.... a... well....

Sometimes I feel like a loser.

Or like I suck.

See, today I felt kind of lonely. Just off, for whatever reason. And sometimes that can lead to those weird I Suck thoughts.

Isn't that strange?

Being lonely = I suck?

Whaaaat???

It's definitely not rational. I can tell myself  Hey, you don't suck! You're doing great. You're first book is almost done, you have your  shop, you're in a great relationship etc.... And I do tell myself those things. I try to cut myself some slack, be gentle and reassure myself.

And, being a self-searching kinda gal, I like to try to figure this stuff out. Was there anything that triggered it? Is it hormonal? Where is this coming from?

Is it because the shop is slow? (it is really slow) Is it because Tuesday would have been Michael's 40th birthday? (it was and it was weird) Is it because I haven't been exercising as much this week? (I haven't and I feel it) Is it because the blog has been quiet? (It has and I'm sad!)

I was trying to just brush it off and talk myself out of it. Ah, it's nothing. Sometimes that's a perfectly good way to deal with a weird mood! But, what bothered me about that tactic today was that  I was kind of trying to deny it, actually. Hmmmm, why?

Because as embarrassing as this is, a good part of my weirdness today is actually blog loneliness! I know, I know! It's so silly!

So I thought I would just own up to it and maybe someone else could relate and then I would feel better. I just miss connecting with you is all. I sometimes wonder if everyone thinks I've officially gone off the deep end, what with all my unicorn activities. 

One time when I was feeling bad after looking at other designers' blogs,  I posted something about it on twitter. And several other craft/sewing/designer bloggers direct messaged me that they feel that way sometimes, too. Overwhelmed by the beauty and seeming perfection of what every one else is doing.

We all do.

Even the people who look like they have the perfect life or career or are popular (ugh, am I in freaking 8th grade again?), or are doing what you want to be doing... all of those people have doubts, have off days, have moments when they feel like a loser.

I am sure of it.

(And if they don't then I want to stab them in the face.)

The trick is to remember that we are not alone, even when we feel that way.

We all are flawed. And we all are amazing in our own ways.

Even me and even you.

So there.

.....................................................................

In other news, my book really is almost done! We are working out the cover and the book design, choosing fonts, writing the introduction. I am starting to get really excited about it. At the beginning, I was terrified. Seriously, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to pull it off. But now that all of the projects are done and about half of the photography is finished... I see that I really pulled it together! I can't wait to show you! I'm not exactly sure when I 'll be able to share the cover and what the book entails, but you know I will be here wiggling like a happy puppy as soon as I get the go-ahead.

....................................................................

Also, I am totally going to try and bribe you with a giveaway next week, so warm up your typing fingers.

xo,

m

(the photos are from the garden at this great shop called Wa that I went to in provincetown.)